Bookmarked by Steph: Bird by Bird — Why Messy Starts Matter

I was first gifted Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott back in 2017.
At the time, I was knee-deep in graduate school, nannying on the side, hustling my heart out and just trying to keep my head above water. A dear friend handed me the book with the subtitle Some Instructions on Writing and Life… I didn’t know it then- but I’d return to this book three times in the next eight years.

I’m not typically a re-reader. There are only a handful of books I revisit in different seasons. But Bird by Bird is one of them. Each time, I find myself underlining different passages, noticing new truths, and remembering who I was the last time I read it.

That’s the gift of Lamott’s words: her lessons on resilience and being human are the very things I want my clients to know.

Lessons I’ve Bookmarked

Start messy, but start.

“It is a matter of persistence and faith and hard work, period, so you might as well just go ahead and get started.”

This isn’t just about writing… it’s about life. Healing, creating, choosing joy… none of it waits for the perfect conditions. The courage is in beginning, even if it feels clumsy.

Perfectionism and Old Wounds

“Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend…”

One of the most painful parts of perfectionism is how it cramps around old wounds- keeping us “safe” but also stuck. It can feel protective, like armor against disappointment, rejection, or failure. But in reality, it often keeps us from the very growth and creativity we long for. Lamott reminds us that the mess is not the enemy…the mess is where discovery and healing happen.

Keep showing up.

“The only thing to do when the sense of dread and low self-esteem tells you that you are not up to this is to wear it down by getting a little work done every day.”

Whether it’s writing, or healing, or growth or progress… change isn’t a single heroic leap. The reality is very few things in life are accomplished in one gigantic motion. Resilience isn’t formed in a single leap. Excellence isn’t forged in a weekend.

Instead, transformation happens in the quiet, ordinary decisions to begin again… and again… and again.

Acceptance is a kind of wisdom.

“If you accept the reality that you are not in a productive, creative period, you free yourself to begin filling up again.”

We’re taught to hustle, fix, push harder.
But Lamott reframes acceptance not as giving up, but as letting life breathe. Sometimes the bravest move is to pause and trust that your season will shift.

Why It Matters

Reading Bird by Bird feels like sitting with a wise, slightly irreverent friend who tells you the truth: you don’t need the perfect plan, the perfect words, or the perfect timing. You just need to start, to stay present, to keep going… even if it’s bird by bird, page by page, moment by moment.

If you’ve been waiting for the “right” time to start something?
Can I tell you a secret?
The perfect moment is just today.

✨ What about you? Have you read Bird by Bird — or is there a book you return to again and again?